Online Dating – Offline Dying

A British man who went to the Philippines to meet his online penpal was stabbed by her jealous Filipino boyfriend. The man died of his wounds. The internet has increased the ease with which we can meet compatible partners from around the world and yet that instant gratification aspect doesn’t lend itself to a positive outcome.

Usually the man finds his bride to be has more than one iron in the fire, but then she probably isn’t the only woman he is writing to either. Many of these women are out and out scammers, a lot are often not women at all but “Bakla” (Tagalog) or “Bayut” (Visayan) – trans gender homosexuals who work the chat rooms getting western men to send money to them.

Lately the chatcam scene has taken the lead for ‘introducing’ men looking for a new life and partner to a Filipina. Many men overlook the fact chatcams are a form of prostitution, albeit virtual prostitution as the couples never physically touch while online. Some of the ‘genuine’ girls on the penpal sites also work in the sex industry there, usually because there are few other options for the poorer ones with no tertiary education. College costs money but to even work in fast food you need to be ‘college level’, or have at least one year of a college course under your belt.

There are many other very genuine, loving women online also and perhaps the lady in this story was one of those, although one must question her bona fides if she has a ‘jealous Filipino boyfriend’ who takes such objection to his foreigner competitor he runs amok with a knife.

The whole foreign bride scene is one where you need to be cautions and get advice from trusted sources. My eBooks on the topic sell well and I am happy to report many very positive testimonials from my readers. Sometimes a few dollars invested up front can save a lot of money, heartache, and perhaps even your life!

One thing I do take umbrage at is the use of the term ‘Mail Order Bride’. I find it offensive to say the least, to both parties involved. I and my wife were defamed by a Queensland law school in a report they prepared on People Trafficking for the UN, claiming I was the husband of a ‘mail order bride’. I pursued the matter vigorously, knowing I was picking a fight with an organization that had vastly superior resources and capabilities then I did when it came to a legal stoush. However, I had right on my side and I was not going to allow them to go unchallenged. Finally I received a letter of apology from the Dean and the offending statement was removed from the report.

I met my Filipina wife face to face in the Philippines but even if I had met her online, so what? ‘Mail Order Bride’ raises an image of a female shaped courier satchel arriving on one’s doorstep… “Sign here please sir, here’s your new wife.” It demeans both parties and is no different to calling anyone derogatory names based on their ethnicity, race, gender or orientation.

If it is wrong to use such terms when referring to negroes, homosexuals, minorities, disabled people and so on, so too it is not acceptable to use it about women who utilise technology to increase the number of potential partners they can connect with. Remember, the words we use form our thoughts and our thoughts direct our actions.

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